Living by the rules

There was this man, so tall and thin yet handsome in his delicate way. Mr.Hubber, was a strong man, now too old to walk without a cane, but fortunately with a healthy and wise mind. He was a religious man, every Sunday he shall go the church, pray to the saints and confess himself. He had gone through all the eucharisties and would pray every night. All the Christian festivities ought to be celebrated as God deserved, at his house, and unfortunately religion, was the spinal tub of his life. When something went wrong he would pray even more willing god to forgive him, believing bad things where no more than a punishment for his actions, then he never learned of his mistakes. When good things happened, again he would pray and thank god, always believing god was gifting him for his deeds, never knowing that his effort and hard work had brought him to achieve his goals, therefore never feeling proud of himself. 

God was always there, as they taught him, and he believed, watching him constantly, looking after him. He felt save, yet not too much because he feared god’s disapproval. With fear and resentment he lived through all his live, trying to be a good disciple, a good Christian, but sometimes forgetting as paradoxical as it may seem to be a good husband, or father or son. He lived by the book, the ever most sold best seller.

 Mr.Hubber was a wise man, he spoke three languages, he built his own company, lived the civil war, raised 5 children up and had even written a book. He was an intellectual, interested and acknowledged in politics, literature and history and he achieved a high class respected position in society. He was good hearted and caring but all his virtues had been always marked and limited by his strong faith in god, and what really damaged him, his strong believing in the church’s commandments.

As a good Christian he was a generous man, but only towards those who he considered deserved it and only he would give, for those deeds that he considered decent. The taxis below his house would wait for him to come down, the waiters at the restaurants he frequented would fight over serving him, the cake shop would exceptionally take his demands home all for his great tips. He was able and had the habit to pay for any extra effort he thought people where doing for him. When people did what he expected, he would always gratify them, however,  if not, he would turn his back. Then his generosity could easily be confused with black mail.

He was a tolerant man, taught his children we are all the same no matter our skin color or circumstances, and he was always kind to the most unfortunates. And not only with money, but with his sweet attitude towards those who where humble. He cheered and motivated those with initiative and helped them in any manner if he could. He was respectful and would never talk badly or insult anyone, no matter its class or position. He was always polite.

He loved to sow discussion matters between people of different opinions, and he would listen and passionately defend his point. But he would not accept, those who didn’t believe in god’s saying and would contradict the Lord’s words in any way, those where  disaccredited to his ears,  and then all his tolerance was risked to be confused with discrimination.

He was comprehensive and honest, he would say what he thought and always looked forward to dialogue as first option to solve any inconvenient matter. He wanted only good for his beloved family and too much suffered when he could sense they were suffering.

However one of her daughters got pregnant of a man she didn’t love. She cried and begged him to pay an abortion and help her thorough, but that was stipulated on the great book, abortion is a murder he believed, and blinded, he lied to her and put her in a clinic where she was cared about and forced to have the child. Then his honesty and comprehension got confused with stubborn fascism .

Along his intense life, too many times his true nature had been confused with what was right to God’s eyes. His adviser, a priest, would consol him, as he was walking on the right path and that is how Mr.Hubber, not questionings that priest’s words would sleep relieved at night.  It Is ironic how much money did this priest win advising him , when actually Mr.Hubbert  was twice as smart.

Now he was sitting on his arm chair silently awaiting death, to rise up to heaven and live ever after. And if that is true or not, we’ll never now while we stay alive, but what Mr.Hubber new is that now, all those confusions were suddenly coming back. Why didn’t he follow his own nature, why didn’t he question the church’s deeds and demands, why had he been so blind?.

Lonely, he looked up, fearing god had heard this last doubts, this was not the most appropriate moment to upset Him. Mr.Hubber was alone because her wife had died, probably of sorrow because she couldn’t feel she was a woman any more; they had been sleeping separately for most of their lives, after the sixth child, no more passion, no more love, just courtesy fondness which made her feel hollow; and had she loved another man, nothing could have been done, for god shall never forgive those who commit adultery.

He knew nothing about one of his sons because he was a homosexual. He didn’t even know that his son had recently been awarded the most prestigious architectonic price. He was a smart boy, responsible, conventional, believer, but he liked men, not only he liked them but he had fallen in love with one, and Mr.Hubber would never accept that.

Two of his other sons had started a company together; they had a book editorial and had gone through a bad moment. They both decided to ask their father for a loan to recover their business and Mr.Hubber said he´ll do it on the condition that they publish a priest`s, friend of his,  book. One of them wanted to accept anyway, however the latter would not receive a loan in such conditions when he disagreed completely with what that priest predicated in his book. The argument caused both brothers not talking to each other for years and the break down of the business.

The last daughter suffered from a mental disease, and such was Mr.Hubber’s cowardy, he couldn’t face that fact, and she was checked in at the best hospital ever; again as she got worse it was god’s plan made for her, but maybe, doctors said, if she had been loved and not left aside, if she had felt someone could understand what she was going through, side to side, she could have progressed in a different way.

Now Mr.Hubber only wanted to see all those faces again and forget whatever had happened. Weak and melancholic, as he heard the ringing of the church’s bells for the last time, he remembered the books he’d read, the countries he’d visited, the people he’d meet along the way… and started to feel responsible for his mistakes. May god forgive me he murmured, though what he was really wishing was his love ones to forgive him. As he said goodbye to the world, feeling his eyelids to heavy to keep his eyes opened, he knew people would sure remember him, the shame was, how?. Now, before closing his eyes, Mr.Hubber understood that only the heart rules are worth living by.

Rebeca